Food for Thought


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It is better to trust and be disappointed once in awhile than to distrust and be miserable all of the time.

-Abraham Lincoln

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

The talk I gave at Misty's Funeral

Below is the tribute I gave at my sister's funeral. Sorry it has taken me so long to put it up. And sorry...it's kinda long. I tend to ramble.


A TRIBUTE TO MY SISTER


I didn’t ever imagine that I would be standing here today speaking about Misty under these circumstances. While these last few days have been difficult for everyone who knew Misty, we have found comfort in sharing stories about her. In all these stories there has been a common thread…Misty was fun! She brought so much joy to our lives with her quirky but loving ways. And so while I don’t treasure the circumstances that brought us here, I am deeply honored to have this opportunity to share some of my most special memories of Misty with all of you.

Margaret Mead said, “Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.”

A few years ago Misty had come over to my apartment to hang out. She had brought Colette and Camille and they were keeping themselves busy playing with a little red banana chair in my living room while Misty and I chatted. And I remember watching these two girls sort of fighting to sit on the chair. And finally, Colette (the oldest) looked like she had had enough. And she took her two fingers and put them right between her younger sister Camille’s eyes and very quietly just…pushed. And down Camille fell. Of course, Camille started crying. And Misty hadn’t seen what had happened. So she looked and Camille and said “Shhhh.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

This little exchange I had just witnessed between Misty’s daughters was like a window back in time…back to those early years of my childhood with Misty. She was two years older than me and knew just what buttons to push. And she was smart. She knew that the loud one got in trouble and so she would always quietly tease me until I wailed…and then I got in trouble. I never wised up.

Misty and I did have that competitive relationship for SO many years but I am so happy to say that somehow, I am not quite sure when, our relationship changed. We developed an unbreakable bond of sisterhood! Misty was still the quiet one and I was still the loudmouth but somewhere along the lines we stopped competing with each other and started caring about each other. I cannot wait to see the day that Misty’s little girls’ competitive relationships turn into what Misty and I have.

Pam Brown said “If your sister is in a tearing hurry to go out and cannot catch your eye, she’s wearing your best sweater.” Growing up, I would have to say that I was usually the one in the tearing hurry. Misty had such STYLE! She wasn’t afraid to try something new or make her own fashion statement. It could be one of my dad’s shirts, or my mom’s, or my little brother’s. She wore it and worked it! I adored her sense of fashion. Probably the bulk of our fights (which usually ended with a fistful of my hair being pulled out) were the result of me borrowing her clothes without asking. But even though we fought over clothes she still helped me occasionally. In the ‘80’s when the folded pant leg was the “hip thing” she took the time each morning to help me fold my pants. Now that is sisterly love! And eventually she came around to sharing her clothes with me. In my sophomore yearbook she wrote “It wasn’t that bad having a little sister floating around the same halls as moi. Don’t worry, I guess you can wear my clothes.” And the years have gone by since high school but I still love the way Misty put herself together. I still have articles of her clothing that I borrowed from her that I couldn’t bear to give back because I loved her sense of style.


Misty was so creative and artistic. One of her favorite activities was scouring neighborhood pickup. If you don’t know what that is, in down town Salt Lake, they have a system where people can put trash or unwanted items out on their front curb to be picked up by the city for disposal. Misty would go around town and find little restoration projects…she would find what seemed to be the most hideous window pane and turn it into a unique, beautiful work of art on her living room wall. When Clint and I moved into our house a few years ago, we spent a lot of time at RC Willey picking furnishings for our home. But still, to this day my favorite piece in our house is the little black sitting chair that Misty found at neighborhood pickup. She restored it, sanded it, and painted it. And then she cross stitched a beautiful little pillow with President Hinckley’s “Be’s to put on the chair.” I’ve always treasured that chair because I knew the joy that she felt as she made it for me. Those types of artistic projects were her passion.


I read a poem: Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.

Misty used to joke “Emily, have you noticed that the older we get our laugh starts to sound more and more like Mom’s goofy laugh? And it is true. Our laughs do sound more and more similar each day. She loved you, Mom. I think she liked knowing her “goofy” laugh came from you.

I know how much Misty loved you, Mom, because she was always the one to coordinate what to do for your birthday. She convinced me, one year, to ride down to Shopko in the freezing cold on the handlebars of her bike, and find a present for you. When we got there we found this beautiful crock pot that was $20.00. I was 11 and she was 13 so we had no money. We had like $5. Now that would have been the end of it for me. I would have found a $5 gift for our mom and called it a day. But Misty was so determined and ambitious. And she was so resourceful! She had brought along some Little Ceasar’s coupons and we stood outside of Shopko for what seemed like hours and sold these coupons for $1 each until we had enough dollars to buy the crock pot for my mom. Misty always cared about others more than herself. She was so determined and when we made a plan, she made sure we got it done…even if in her own creative, Little Ceasar’s sort of way.

Misty had a serious sweet tooth. She loved cotton candy and peeps and robin eggs and bubble gum ice cream… and peanut butter. She loved her peanut butter! She used to take spoonfuls of peanut butter and just eat it plain. We would find spoons all over the house. When David was dating my mom he brought Misty a very special birthday present…her very own jar of peanut butter. I think that was probably a day of heaven for Misty. I think her little girls have had wonderful Halloweens with Misty because she was probably just as excited as they were to go trick or treating.


An older sister helps one remain half child, half woman.

Misty and Kaylyn (my youngest sister) had a very special relationship. Even though Misty was 13 years older than Kaylyn, Misty knew how to relate to her. Kaylyn has told me, on several occasions, of a time that she spent the night at Misty’s and they went to the grocery store in the middle of the night because, on a whim, they decided they wanted black light bulbs in the entire house. Or another time when they went to the store to buy bubble gum flavoring for suckers that they were making. There was no stopping Misty’s creativity. People had fun with Misty because she was willing to try anything. And just from looking at the pictures that Shawn has taken over the last few years I can see that Misty continued to keep that creativity going with her little girls. She made them beautiful, unique birthday cakes and she caught little snakes and lizards and showed them to her girls. She was never too old to just play.

Barbara Alpert said “She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink.

Misty was all those things for me. She’s the sister that would “ballroom dance” with me when we were children, even though our mom had told us repeatedly to go to bed. She was the sister who strategized with me prior to Halloween so we could visit the houses with the best candy as many times as possible and get the most candy we could get in our pillow cases. And she was that sister… that dropped everything a few years ago in the middle of a cold winter night to meet me at Thanksgiving Point…because I was in a moment of personal despair. I remember her wrapping her arms around me and crying with me and saying a prayer with me. And she told me how much she loved me and how much Heavenly Father loved me. Then she went back to her car to get it warmed up and came back over to give me a hug. And as she hugged me goodbye I saw her car…rolling down the empty (thank goodness) parking lot. She had forgotten to put the brake on. And when she saw it, she took off after it. But I remember she turned her head to me as she was running and yelled “I love you!”

Well Misty, I love you too. We were never good at saying it to each other. But I’m saying it now. Of course I will miss our “chats.” But you will always be in my heart. You will be in all our hearts!

3 comments:

nathanburrblair said...

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I found out a little while ago and I was shocked. Not so much because I knew her, because I didn't, but just because I know you so well and I'm sure it must have been hard for you.
I hope you are doing better.

The Dunnes said...

Emily- I love you. I'm so sorry. I have been thinking about you so much and only found your blogging site by chance. I've wanted to get in touch.I will be back in utah in july and would love to talk to you. I hope you are doing better. You are always in my prayers. Thanks for posting your talk. I love Misty & your memories brought me some comfort.Love, Joy (dunne_joy@hotmail.com)

deleted said...

I was so saddened to hear about the loss of Misty, she was so awesome! I loved hanging out with her through high school. She definitely touched a lot of people through out her short life. Anyway, just wanted to say I hope you are doing well. I was truly touched by your tribute.